So the Journey of Healing for my Soul began~with just the touch of His garment..

One day, I woke up and said to myself, "Today is a good day to die! Either I'm going to kill him or he is going to kill me!"  It was that simple;  I had nothing more to give and nothing to lose. I had reached the end of my rope and found myself as a broken woman, I was left feeling lifeless, hopeless, bitter, miserable, with very low self-esteem and full of rage. Anger filled and clouded my heart as I found myself being a single mother of 3 children.  The abuse had become unbearable at this time and I no longer lived; I merely existed day in and day out consumed by pain, hurt and ready to put an end to everything.


Before I left for work that morning, I told him that he had until 4:30 p.m. that afternoon to pack his stuff and move out or I was either going to kill him or he was going to kill me; somebody was going to die that day and nothing else mattered. After 9 years of mental, emotional and physical abuse, he finally took me seriously and decided to move out.


How was I supposed to raise my 3 children alone without any family support? Would I be able to support myself and the kids on my own?  And who would want a single mother with 3 young children?  These were some of the tons of questions that constantly tortured my mind day in and out? How would I ever survive?


I went to an informational fair somewhere in the city and as I strolled through the tables trying to take the freebies that each vendor offered, a young woman called me to her table and asked if I was interested in being a part of research group for residents in the city of Hartford. After listening to her marketing speech, I decided to sign up and gave her my number. As I began to attend the research group meetings, I started to get to know her and she asked me if I was willing to go and visit her church. I agreed to go to the services and eventually became baptized and a member of Glory Chapel International Cathedral, Inc. (GCIC)


I had originally been saved and committed my life to the Lord when I was 19 years old but had stopped somewhere along the line and decided not to serve the Lord any longer until I reconciled with Him at GCIC. Now, the journey of healing in my life began...


As I became more and more comfortable in the church and my faith became renewed; I began to ask the Lord for 4 things very specifically.


1. To teach me how to love myself unconditionally and accept myself as a FAT woman.
2. To explain to me why did He allow for me to be born?
3. To explain to me what was my purpose in life?
4. To explain to me what was the point of my existence, if all I knew was pain, suffering, hurt and had never experienced sustainable happiness?


My petitions became daily prayers and there wasn't a day that went by that  I did not pray to the Lord. I would pray to my God Almighty with a lot of anger and in an argumentative manner. I would cry to Him almost every day because I did not want to live;  I wanted to die because I wanted the pain to end.  But someway somehow, I held on to the scripture of the woman who was bleeding and only wanted to touch the hem of His garment because she believed that with just one touch she would be healed...this scripture was engraved in my mind. Even in the midst of being really angry with the Lord for having brought me into this world and having me endure all this suffering and abuse, I still believed that if  I could just get that close to Jesus and touch Him in some way that He too would heal my soul just like he did that woman.


Three years of fervent and incessant praying passed and still no answer.  Shortly after, one night while I was sleeping I suddenly woke up and sat up on my bed and I heard a voice say to me, "The reason I brought you into this earth and you endured all this pain and suffering is because you are supposed to be a Healer and you are going to help many people heal but before you can begin to heal others, you must first continue to heal yourself!"


What? The Lord just spoke to me once again! Lord Jesus, Hallelujah! WAS IT REALLY THAT SIMPLE? All I needed to do was to pray to the Lord, ask for answers, stand still, have Faith and just Trust in Him? Really? Wow!!


I can honestly say that from that point forward, I have never ever questioned my existence to the Lord again. I accepted His response and understood that being a Healer was my calling!


Now what did being a Healer for the Lord look like? How was I supposed to be a God ordained Healer? Who me? Really? Was I worthy enough to deserve such a title? Was I worthy enough to do His work? These were all the questions that now clouded my mind.


More to follow on my next Blog...


Thank you for your support! I hope that you can find some hope in this tiny fracture of my testimony.  God Bless you!